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Love is the bridge for differences, says intercultural couple
By Jean Torkelson
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Photo Provided
Photo by Lara Montoya |
This is the second in a four-part series exploring issues surrounding immigration. To read the first in the series "Living in the Shadows" click here.
She grew up in family of 15. He was an Army brat.
She was outgoing and radiant. He was quiet and reflective.
She was Catholic. He was not.
But one of the most obvious differences between Mina Becerra and Rich McLean was that she was Mexican and he, Anglo-American.
How would their differences affect their marriage?
By their 40th wedding anniversary, on Dec. 23, 2012, they knew the answer—their differences, including the cultural ones, made their love even stronger.
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In a recent interview with the Denver Catholic Register, the couple talked about their enduring relationship and drew possible lessons for better cultural understanding in Church and community.
“In the early 1970s intercultural marriages were not looked on too kindly,” said Rich McLean, today a community health care activist in Aurora. “I was concerned … but by the grace of God, my family really embraced Mina.”
“They always loved him,” said Mina McLean, a para-professional educator in the Aurora public school system. She was recalling how her family in Juarez gladly welcomed the young Army sergeant turned sophomore at the University of Texas-El Paso.
In those days, it was easy and routine to go back and forth between the two cities, and the young couple had a chance to become friends for two years before affection deepened into love.
Of course, there were adjustments. Rich, protective of his new bride, worried at first that appearing as a couple in communities outside of El Paso might provoke a backlash against his beloved wife. That didn’t happen, but there were subtler messages. In a sly dig at the couple’s still unconventional relationship, some of Mina’s friends jokingly referred to her as “La Malinche,” the Indian consort of Spanish conquistador Hernán Cortés.
Language remained one of the biggest challenges. Rich concedes his Spanish still isn’t the best. But from the start, Mina dived into learning English every way she could—including, she laughed, watching TV shows like “Hogan’s Heroes” or sitting in on Rich’s college classes.
The McLeans persisted in sharing the beauty of both cultures. They gave their daughter, Cindie, the middle name Xochitl, (pronounced “so-sheelt”) an indigenous, Aztec-rooted name meaning “flower.” As a child, Cindie wasn’t impressed, only later coming to appreciate her name’s unique beauty.
“Now she loves it enough to give the name to her own daughter,” Mina said.
In 2004, Rich became a Catholic. The family worships at St. Thérèse Parish in Aurora, where the couple are active in social justice ministries and in drawing Hispanic and Anglo members together as one parish family.
However, Rich conceded: “Barriers are there. Sometimes it’s difficult. We talk about love. If you’re going to be a Christian community, love really needs to dominate.”
Whether in a personal relationship or in a community, the McLeans discovered that barriers get broken down in the same way. Barrier-busting takes patience, bearing with one another’s differences, and appreciating each other’s strengths.
Communication is essential. From the beginning, Mina explained, “We were friends; we could talk to each other.”
Many people think “differences” are only meant to be tolerated; the McLeans know differences are meant to be enjoyed, too. For example, they laugh that Rich is the computer guy; Mina is the conjurer of sumptuous food and hospitality.
They cooperate, even in problem solving.
“Any marriage is going to have rough spots,” Rich said, “but you work together to resolve it. You don’t let the rough spots eat you up.”
The most basic lesson of all?
“Obviously, love,” Mina said. “If you don’t love someone, you allow cultural differences to become barriers. But with love, it’s not a big deal.”
Whether as neighbors, in a parish community, or as a married couple, Rich added, “I feel confident we are one family, under God …. this is what love can do.”
Jean Torkelson: 303-715-3122; www.twitter.com/DCRegister
This is the second in a four-part series exploring issues surrounding immigration. To read the first in the series "Living in the Shadows" click here.
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