Coping with suicide

Conference to offer help to those dealing with suicide loss

By John Gleason

In the United States, suicide ranks as the 11th leading cause of death.  Annually, more than 32,000 people take their own life.  That’s one every 16 minutes.  And every 17 minutes someone is left to make sense of it.

Today, doctors, scientists and clergy have a better understanding of what causes most people to take their lives; however, there is still a stigma attached to suicide deaths and many unanswered questions for the family left behind. How to deal with it?  What could have been done to prevent it?  What to say when people ask about it? 

On Nov. 22, National Survivors of Suicide Day, Regis University will host a seminar offering emotional support and information about resources for healing for survivors of suicide.  Now in its 10th year the event, sponsored by the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP), has brought people together to talk, share stories and try to make sense out of a devastating loss, according to Joanne Harpel, director of Survivor Initiatives.

“Not everyone will go through the same grieving process,” Harpel said. “What our organization does is help them through the rough time.”

Harpel, who lost her brother to suicide in 1993, said the first thing family and friends experience is shock.  They wonder how this could have been prevented and if there was anything they could have done differently to help. 

“The AFSP gives survivors information and helps them understand how suicide comes about,” she said.  “In addition we give them access to a community of people who have gone through the same thing so they don’t feel isolated and alone.  For too many, this is the biggest obstacle.”

National Survivors of Suicide Day, held annually on the Saturday before Thanksgiving, was created by senatorial resolution through the efforts of Sen. Harry Reid (D-Nevada) who lost his father to suicide.  The AFSP program consists of local programs—speakers, panel discussions and healing sessions.  There is also a 90-minute national broadcast during which televised speakers share their own experiences and how they have coped with the loss.  Regis University is one of 170 locations across the country hosting such a program.

Catholics may wonder what the Church says about suicide.  There was a time when it was taught there was no salvation for those committing suicide, but today there is a different perspective.

Sister Peg Maloney R.S.M., is a member of the Catholic Studies faculty at Regis University and ad hoc member of the college committee putting on the local program. She said that no longer is the act of suicide considered to be a major sin of pride in which one turns away from God’s grace believing he cannot help.

“Today we have so much better an understanding of depression, mental illness and bi-polar (disorder) and how they affect the human condition,” she said.  “We know how the human chemistry can shape all kinds of frustrations, depressions and ultimate desolation and how it can drive people to do what they wouldn’t normally do.” 

Making a comparison to someone who suffers from alcoholism, Sister Maloney said that will of change is not enough to defeat mental illness.

“Forms of mental illness are a disease that can drive people to do anything,” she said.  “Even to the point of taking their own life.” 

“The Catechism of the Catholic Church” tells us we should not despair of the eternal salvation of those who have taken their own lives, noting that by ways known to him alone, “God can provide the opportunity for salutary repentance.  The Church prays for persons who have taken their own lives” (No. 2283).

Harpel said that it is the goal of the AFSP to help those who have lost someone to suicide to know that it wasn’t because they weren’t a good enough wife or husband or friend.  Those left behind did nothing wrong, Harpel said, but after a suicide they are in need of help.

“Everyone grieves differently,” she said.  “We’re here to help them to do just that.”

The National Survivors of Suicide Day program will be held from 11 a.m. -1 p.m. Nov. 22. at Regis University, 3333 Regis Blvd. in Main Hall Room 333.  There is no cost for the program but those wishing to attend are asked to R.S.V.P. to Liza Gallegos at . Those unable to attend the conference may watch it online at afsp.org from 11 a.m. to 12:30 p.m. Nov. 22.