HOMEPAGE for this issue: December 8, 2010 Download PDF Version

Marriage preparation: a vital part of wedding planning

By John Gleason

Two people meet, fall in love and decide they want to get married.  They sit down and make all the usual lists a couple need to make before the “big day.” For those who wish to be married in the Catholic Church, there’s one item that should top that list: participation in a marriage preparation program.

Getting started
In the Denver Archdiocese, the first step is to get in touch with your parish priest.  The preparation should begin eight to 12 months prior to a couple’s anticipated wedding date. During this time, couples prepare for their sacrament through three main steps as well as a manageable series of meetings with a priest, deacon or marriage preparation minister.

Three steps
The archdiocesan program consists of three components: theology, natural family planning and life skills.   Some parishes will also want you to take a marriage preparation inventory (FOCCUS Inventory), a tool designed to assess the strengths of your relationship and areas that may need growth.

Phil A. Webb is director of the archdiocese’s Office of Marriage and Family Life.  He said it’s not unusual for couples to have misconceptions about the program. 

They discover early these are unwarranted.

“Some fear it will be boring or a waste of time, others fear something may be imposed upon them against their will,” he said.  “Most do not understand the difference between the romantic feelings they share and the sacramental and covenantal nature of marriage, and how important it is to have the love of Christ at the heart of their relationship.”

Webb said couples come away from marriage preparation more knowledgeable about the union they are about to enter.

“We spend time learning about the nature of covenant and how to love in marriage the way God loves us,” he said. “We talk about the requirements which need to be met before Catholics can be considered validly married in the eyes of the Church and see if there are any impediments to marriage.

“We discuss the meaning of exchanging of vows, of natural family planning as well as the nature of forgiveness and the importance of gratitude in married life.”
Natalia Fletcher is the executive assistant in the archdiocese’s Office of Vocations. She and her husband, Ben Schumann, were married Nov. 13.  She said the benefits they gained from attending marriage prep classes are too numerous to count.

“It was incredibly beneficial; we talked at length about the practical aspects such as communication, finances and conflict resolution,” she said.  “But as great as it was to delve into the practical, day-to-day side of marriage, it was just as important to understand that in order to have a successful relationship, you have to be aware of the spiritual side—to really know the sacrament of marriage.  That is the overall benefit to the program. ”

Step 1: Theology
The theology component can be fulfilled in one of five ways: 

1. attend a one-day couple’s workshop, “God’s Plan for a Joy-Filled Marriage,” offered at various locations; 
2. or attend an evening marriage prep program offered by Catholic Marriage Preparation Inc.; 
3. or attend the Marriage Preparation Program at St. Catherine of Siena in Denver;
4. or attend the Marriage Builder Weekend offered by St. Frances Cabrini Church in Littleton; 
5. or attend the Covenant of Life Marriage Preparation Retreat at Church of the Risen Christ in Denver.

Couples who attend any of the last four of these options will fulfill both step one and step three of the marriage preparation process.

Step 2: Natural family planning—two options
The second component, natural family planning, focuses on a method of achieving or postponing pregnancy by observing the changes in a woman’s body that naturally indicate her fertility. The Office of Marriage and Family Life promotes and sponsors classes in two methods of NFP instruction in the archdiocese:

1. The Symptom-Thermal Method, as taught by the Couple to Couple League, Northwest Family Services, Novus or and Natural Family Planning International;
2. The Creighton Fertility Care System

Contact information for organizations offering NFP training can be found through the Office of Marriage and Family Life. 

Step 3: Life skills
The third component, life skills, is intended to help couples fine-tune practical skills such as handling conflict, finances or decision-making. Several options are available to help couples comply with this component:

1. A Catholic Engaged Encounter weekend; 
2. or a private meeting with your priest or deacon, or married mentor couple to review pre-marital inventory (FOCCUS test); 
3. or attend the marriage prep program offered by Catholic Marriage Preparation Inc.;
4. or attend the Marriage Preparation Seminar at St. Catherine of Siena in Denver;
5. or a Life Skills Workshop offered at Sacred Heart of Mary Church in Boulder; the Marriage Builder Weekend at St. Frances Cabrini Catholic Church; or the Covenant of Life Marriage Preparation Retreat at Church of the Risen Christ. Many of these options will fulfill parts one and three of the overall program.

Conclusion
The period of preparation includes a final meeting with your priest, deacon, or marriage preparation minister and a time to receive the sacrament of reconciliation. Time is also devoted to planning the wedding liturgy. Timeframe: last two months prior to the celebration of marriage.

For more information about marriage preparation in the Denver Archdiocese and any of the programs listed above, contact the Office of Marriage and Family Life at 303-715-3259 or visit online at www.archden.org/marriage or contact your parish office.