September 29, 2010

Navigating challenges in interfaith marriages

By Julie Filby

Some Catholics marry Catholics. Some marry Presbyterians, Baptists, Jews and so on.

A 2008 study by the Pew Forum on Religion and Public Life study showed 22 percent of Catholics have a spouse from another religious tradition. In the Archdiocese of Denver, 24 percent of marriages reported in 2008 were considered interfaith according to The Official Catholic Directory.

While all marriages face challenges, interfaith marriages can experience additional pressure when it come to raising children, navigating family dynamics, celebrating holidays and keeping faith central in a relationship.

“Spouses in an interfaith marriage encounter many challenges and these challenges shouldn’t be underestimated,” said Elizabeth Walker, Ph.D. and licensed clinical psychologist. “However, they need not be insurmountable.”

In Walker’s experience counseling interfaith married couples, there are two primary issues encountered most.

“For devout faithful Catholics, the Eucharist is the source and summit of our faith,” she said. “It can be difficult, and even painful, not to be able to share that most intimate and profound experience with one’s spouse.”

Another recurring problem is disagreement on how to educate children on issues of faith and morality.

“Sadly, it’s not uncommon for one spouse to be disinterested in teaching the faith,” she said.

Pastoral guidelines specify a Catholic spouse must promise to do all that he or she can to have the children baptized and raised in the Catholic faith.

“Children have questions about God, they seek to know and love him,” she said. “Interfaith couples can teach their children their common faith beliefs; however, children can easily become confused. For this reason, I don’t recommend children be raised with two faith traditions.”

All couples should work together to instill virtues in family life. Phil Webb, director of the archdiocese Office of Marriage and Family Life, said couples that communicate effectively build unity and strengthen their commitment to one another.

“Couples must focus on what unites them spiritually, communicate and listen respectfully,” Webb said. “And most important, they must pray together.”

Many churches offer opportunities where interfaith couples can pray and worship together, study Scripture and attend activities that nourish spiritual life. The Pew study revealed more than 4 in 10 interfaith spouses visit other houses of worship. A Catholic spouse has a responsibility to maintain his or her Catholic identity, including attendance at weekly Mass.

Couples in mixed-faith Christian marriages are united in Christ through the sacrament of baptism. They are encouraged to build on that common ground and support one another on their respective faith journeys.

“The greatest commandment is to love God with all our heart, mind and soul—and our marriages need to be in service of doing that,” Walker said. “I’m called to help my husband as he seeks out his salvation with Christ and vice versa.”

In his 1981 encyclical “Familiaris Consortio,” Pope John Paul II addressed the nature and value of interfaith marriages.

“Marriages between Catholics and other baptized persons…contain numerous elements that could well be made good use of and developed, both for their intrinsic value and for the contribution that they can make to the ecumenical movement. This is particularly true when both parties are faithful to their religious duties,” he wrote.

“It’s appropriate to bear witness to faith in marriage, in a way that is compelling, leading to greater understanding,” Webb said. “Not in a way that is argumentative or confrontational.”

If marital conflicts arise, couples are encouraged to seek help sooner rather than later.

“Most couples make the mistake of coming in when it’s too late and one person has one foot out the door—that’s very difficult to work with,” Walker said.

“Marriages are hard. They’re full of trials, challenges and obstacles. In many ways, marriage can be a cross at times.”

Marriage FAQs
Q: Why does the Church teach that marriage is a sacrament?
A: The sacraments make Christ present. Marriage is not only good for individuals or the couple, but for the community as a whole. The Church teaches marriage between two baptized persons is a sacrament.

Q: Do Catholics ever validly enter into non-sacramental marriage?
A: Yes. Marriages between Catholics and non-Christians, while they may still be valid in the eyes of the Church, are non-sacramental. With permission, a priest or deacon may witness such marriages.

Q: What is the difference between a valid and an invalid Catholic marriage?
A: A valid Catholic marriage results from: (1) spouses free to marry; (2) free exchange of consent; (3) intention to marry for life, be faithful and open to children; and (4) consent is given in the presence of two witnesses, before a properly authorized Church minister (exceptions to the last requirement must be approved).

Q: If a Catholic wants to marry a non-Catholic, how can they assure the marriage is recognized by the Church?
A: In addition to meeting the criteria listed above, the Catholic must seek permission from the local bishop to marry a non-Catholic. If the person is a non-Catholic Christian, it’s called “permission to enter into a mixed marriage.” If the person is a non-Christian, the permission is called a “dispensation from disparity of cult.” Those helping to prepare a couple for marriage can assist with the process.

Q: If two Catholics or a Catholic and non-Catholic were married invalidly in the eyes of the Church, what should they do about it?
A: Approach their pastor to try to resolve the situation.

Source: U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops (www.usccb.org)