November 4, 2009

Advance planning for funerals eases burden for loved ones at time of loss

By Julie Filby

For many families, the grief over losing a loved one can be compounded by the stress of funeral expenses—and this at a time when many people can least afford it.

A funeral can be one of the most expensive purchases a consumer will ever make. According to the National Funeral Directors Association, the average cost of an adult funeral in 2006 was nearly $7,500; up 45 percent since 2001. That does not include a cemetery plot, burial, a grave marker, flowers or other items that can add thousands of dollars to the final bill.

The NFDA expects funeral prices to increase faster than living costs over the next few years. The following suggestions may help ease the emotional and financial burden of planning a funeral.

Seek trusted help. Start the process by contacting a close friend, relative or religious advisor for support and practical assistance. You will be emotionally vulnerable, so you will want to have someone you trust with you to help make decisions.
Check for arrangements. Review the instructions left by your loved one regarding funeral arrangements, or contact their attorney to see if he or she left instructions. In many cases, funeral arrangements may already exist.

Shop around. Compare prices from at least two funeral homes. Most funeral providers are professionals who strive to serve their clients’ needs and best interests. However, some are not. They may take advantage of clients through inflated prices, overcharges, double charges or unnecessary services. Usually it is more convenient and less stressful to price shop funeral homes online or by phone.

Ask for a price list. The Funeral Rule, issued in 1984 and enforced by the Federal Trade Commission, requires funeral providers to supply a written, itemized price list of all good and services—and to allow consumers to choose individual items instead of a package. Many providers offer packages of commonly selected goods and services that make up a funeral. However when you arrange for a funeral, you have the right to accept or decline individual options.

Avoid emotional overspending: Resist pressure to buy goods and services you do not want or need. You may feel uncomfortable comparing prices or negotiating funeral details. Compounding this discomfort is the fact that some people overspend on a funeral because they think of it as a reflection of their feelings for the deceased. It is not necessary to have the fanciest casket or the most elaborate funeral to properly honor a loved one.

Shop smart. Apply the same smart shopping techniques you use for other major purchases. You can cut costs by limiting the viewing to one day or one hour before the funeral, and by dressing your loved one in a favorite outfit instead of costly burial clothing. Be sure to get an estimate in writing.

Recognize your rights. Laws regarding funerals and burials vary from state to state. Know which goods or services the law requires you to purchase and which are optional.

Do not be pressured. Decisions can differ depending on whether the death was expected, such as after a long illness; or sudden and unexpected, such as an accident. Avoid rushing into big decisions. If others want you to act more quickly than you would like or if you are feeling pressured, agree that a decision must be made and you will be the one to make it when you feel comfortable.

Be patient with yourself and your feelings. Proper nutrition, exercise, and rest are all essential to your physical and mental health during this time of mourning. If you do not take care of yourself, it will be difficult, if not impossible, to take care of your family and make decisions about arrangements.