September 16, 2009

Marriage takes preparation

By John Gleason

Many are familiar with the adage “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.”  And for those engaged couples who wish to be married, that first step isn’t down the aisle.  Rather it’s a meeting with their priest to begin marriage preparation instruction.

Getting married can sometimes be portrayed as a spur-of-the moment thing.  Two people meet, hit it off and feel that in the brief time they’ve spent together, they’ve found their “soul mate.”  If it sounds like a fairy tale, that’s because it is.

The process of preparing for a wedding is much more than picking colors or flower arrangements or music.  For two Catholics the first question is: Are we ready to receive God’s gift of matrimony?

Sherwood Owens is director of Adult Formation and conducts marriage preparation at St. Frances Cabrini Parish in Littleton.  He said the Church wants people to be prepared as best as possible to live out the sacrament of matrimony.

“This is especially true in light of society today where there are so many divorces,” he said.  “The Church wants to do what it can to give the engaged couples the tools and the understanding that they can use to live their lives together.”

The first step, even before the couple decides on a wedding date, is to make an appointment to see their priest.  From here the initial interview is conducted as well as the FOCCUS (Facilitating Open Communication Understanding and Study) inventory, which is designed to provide engaged couples and those working with them a personal profile of what is needed in the marriage preparation process.

“The process can vary from one parish to another,” Owens said.  “At our parish we have married people, called sponsor couples, who help the engaged couple through the FOCCUS inventory.  It does take time but we want to do all we can to help the engaged couple out.”

Marriage preparation consists of three steps: a theology component, natural family planning training, and a life skills component.  Step one focuses on the sacrament of matrimony, step three looks at the tools necessary for the relationship in regard to communication.  These two components can often be fulfilled at what Owens calls “a marriage builder weekend.”

“We have married couples that come help facilitate the weekend.  We break our couples down by tables and we put several couples at a table,” he said.  “Then we have different presentations and talks.  After that each table will break down into small groups and talk further about what was discussed in the presentation.”

Step two of the preparation course, natural family planning, is offered through the Couple of Couple League or the Creighton FertilityCare System, both of which offer information on God’s plan for family, an understanding of fertility and the dignity and respect that both people in the marriage should have for each other.

“The Couple to Couple League consists of three meetings in the course of three months,” Owens said.  “The Creighton system is more of a general information session followed by individual meetings.”

As the marriage preparation classes are competed, the engaged couple gains confidence in the knowledge that they are prepared for their journey.  Owens noted that others are touched as well.

“I’ve heard our sponsor couples say that work in this ministry renews their own relationship in the sacrament of matrimony,” he said.  “It actually gives back to our ministers.”

The instruction offered at St. Frances Cabrini is but one of several sites around the Archdiocese of Denver that offer such classes. To find a location, visit www.archden.org online and click on the Marriage and Family Life Office or call the office at 303-715-3259.  A list of upcoming natural family planning classes can also be found online at www.denver. ccli.org.