September 2, 2009

Make room for family time in your busy schedule

 By Lynn Dean

“Hi, Mom. Can I go over to Mike’s?”

“Mom, don’t forget I have basketball practice today after school. Pick me up at 5:30?”

“Mom, we still haven’t finished with our pig for anatomy—can you take me over to Sam’s house at 4 and pick me up by 6?”

“Honey, I wanted to remind you that I’m playing golf with the guys today after work. We also thought we’d get in a few holes on Saturday.”

With school, work and after-school activities our time together is stretched very thin. But there are ways to recapture the magic of time together. Consider the following suggestions:

Making time
• Protect meal time. Make meal time family time.  While it is ideal that families eat at least one meal a day together, it is often impractical.  Instead, insist that your family eat together at least four times a week. Remember—all meals don’t have to be supper.  Sunday, you can have brunch; Tuesday you can meet for lunch in town, Thursday can be “no excuses” dinner night, and Saturday can be barbeque on the deck.

• Learn to say no. It isn’t just our kids who have too many outside activities. We rack up our share of commitments, too. It’s time to prioritize. Decide which activities are most important to you. Are you the best person for that job, or can someone else take over without consequence?  By saying no, you give someone else the opportunity to say yes.

• Turn off the television. For most of us, the television has become an integral part of our lives. Maybe too integral. Have you every looked at how many hours each week you watch television? Are there nights when there is “nothing” on, but you sit and watch anyway? Are your family members scattered throughout the house, each watching a different program? Break the spell television has on your lives. When “nothing” is on turn the box off. Forgo reruns in favor of an activity your family can do together. Limit viewing to one television to encourage the family to be together.

• Plan “do nothing” time. Many of us carry our day-timer or BlackBerry everywhere.  We pencil in business appointments, soccer practices, and dentist visits.  Whenever a space is blank, we think “what am I supposed to be doing?” Plan some down time to sit on the ground and look at the clouds go by, or time to talk to about the opposite sex, baseball, or the price of peas in China.

• Start a family fun night. Once you have set aside time for your family, and turned off the television, you don’t want to be sitting around twiddling your thumbs. It is easier for family members to talk when they are involved in a secondary activities. Play board games, prepare an exotic meal, or view old home “movies” and reminisce about the fun you had then.

• Spend time together individually. In addition to the time we spend as a whole family, we also need to spend more time interacting with each member individually. How often do you spend alone time with your spouse? How often do you get to chat with one child and not be interrupted by another? Plan opportunities to talk one-on-one. Meet your spouse for lunch. Take your oldest shopping. Hit the golf course with your young Tiger.

• Trade individual activities for something your family can do together. Yes, it is good for our children to learn to play the piano, acquire a foreign language, and excel at a sport.  But they don’t need to do everything at once. Let each of your children choose one or two activities.  Save the rest for later. By limiting the number of extra-curricular activities each child is involved with at any given time, you can free up your family schedule for joint activities you can all participate in. Consider hiking, biking, tennis, swimming, inline skating, and others you all enjoy. Even a simple nightly walk around the block can be beneficial and offer opportunities for family members to talk to one another.

• Redeem the time lost doing mundane chores alone. Instead of trying to do everything yourself, get everyone in the family to pitch in. Your kids can unload the dishwasher, run the vacuum, scrub the bathtub, or fold laundry. Let your motto be: “The Family that Works Together Plays Together.” If you pair up, you can have time together while you work. Then, “Off for Fun when the Work is Done.”

• Keep holy the Sabbath. Attend Mass as a family. In years past, nobody worked on Sunday. Instead, they spent the day together and, after Mass, gathered for a family meal.  Here, in the hustle and bustle of life in the United States, we have gotten away from this tradition. But it is vital that we make Sunday a day for faith and family. Finding time to recharge is essential to our spiritual, mental and physical health. If you can’t, for whatever reason, set Sunday aside, chose another day, or part of a day, each week and reserve it as a time for your family to spend together. 

Lynn Dean is a Colorado writer and the mother of three.