March 4, 2009

The power of forgiveness

By Maria St. Louis-Sanchez, The Colorado Catholic Herald

For years, Rick Lentz worked to be as strong a Christian as he could.

He converted to Catholicism early in his marriage and after retiring from the Air Force he pursued a master’s degree in pastoral ministry and then took a course to become a spiritual director.

He participated in Bible studies with other men and was mentored by a pastor.

He believed he was strong in his faith, but he didn’t know just how much his devotion would be put to the test until June 2004.

That was when his youngest son Kevin, just 16, was killed. Kevin had gotten out of his car to help a stranded motorist and was hit from behind when 19-year-old Sara Tomlinson failed to see him as she drove over the top of a hill. He was taken to the hospital where he later died from his injuries.

Rick and Karen Lentz, both in shock, tried to deal with their feelings the best they could.

Court appearances about the accident kept being delayed and Lentz used the time to pray and work out his feelings with other men in his prayer group. After awhile, he realized it wasn’t enough to just heal emotionally.

“God wanted me to completely forgive her,” Lentz said.

To do that seemed impossible. He knew the death was an accident, but he was still angry.

“You go through all of these feelings,” Lentz said. “You just want revenge.”

Lentz kept praying and journaling by writing letters to his son.

Seven months to the day after the crash, it was time for the judge to sentence Sara. Lentz was allowed to speak about what he thought her punishment should be.

Nervous, he stood up in front of the court.

“Sara,” he said. “I can’t speak for the rest of my family, but I forgive you for Kevin’s death.”

With that, he was healed.

“The weight of the world went off my shoulders,” Lentz recalled.

Sara received a plea bargain for the accident. She got a year’s probation and her license revoked for a year. She could have spent up to a year in jail. Her punishment was reduced partly because of the forgiveness of the Lentz family.

Watching Lentz surprised Bob Tomlinson, Sara’s father. He was at the emergency room with Sara the night Kevin Lentz died. Tomlinson saw the pain the Lentz family experienced when they realized Kevin wouldn’t survive.

Tomlinson didn’t approach them—he didn’t think it was appropriate—but he knew that somehow the accident would link their two families.

Relating to their pain that night—Tomlinson has a son the same age as Kevin—he didn’t understand how Rick could forgive his daughter.

“That was such a huge statement,” Tomlinson said. “I was blown away by it.”

The question plagued him for 10 days after the sentencing. Finally, he felt he had to give Rick Lentz a call.

“How could you forgive my daughter?” Tomlinson asked. “I don’t know that I could do the same thing.”

The call was the start of an unexpected friendship between the two men. Lentz explained how he had reached the point where he could forgive Sara and invited Tomlinson to a lunch for Christian businessmen. Soon, the men started seeing each other more regularly. Lentz started to mentor Tomlinson and encouraged him to find a men’s Bible study.

The whole experience inextricably changed Tomlinson, a lapsed Catholic. Seeing the power of forgiveness, he knew that it was time to change his life. He retired so he would have more time to spend with his family and he became involved with church again.

“I felt I needed to re-dedicate myself to Christ,” Tomlinson said. “Through the help of some men, I gave my life back to him.”

Eventually, Tomlinson and Lentz started giving their testimony to Christian groups.

“The first time I gave my testimony, I noticed the power of the message,” Tomlinson said. “Most of the men were parents and it was as emotional for them to hear it as it was for me to give it.”

They will tell their story again at the Jubilee Men’s Conference March 21 at Holy Apostles Church in Colorado Springs. Originally planned as an event to celebrate the 25th anniversary of the Colorado Springs Diocese, the conference is now being co-sponsored by the Dioceses of Colorado Springs and Pueblo, and the Archdiocese of Denver and is expected to draw 1,500 men.

Lentz started his own ministry, Brother to Brother Ministries, where he provides mentoring to men and shares his testimony. 

Though their friendship started out of a shared tragedy, Tomlinson is grateful for the influence Lentz has had on his life. He said he is a much stronger Christian now than he was at the time of the accident. Back then, he probably wouldn’t have had the strength to forgive after such a loss. But now after this journey, he thinks that maybe he could if the situation ever came up.

“I’m not sure if I would have had the same strength at the time,” he said. “Now I’d like to think I could get there if I needed to.”