Archbishop's web site Denver Catholic Register Parishes Catholic Pastoral Center
December 4, 2002
Sister-moms find new identity in dual vocation
'Second-career' nuns form support group
By Barb Fraze
(CNS) — Sister Louise Zaplitny, a Sister of Charity of Cincinnati, was 45 years old when her husband died. Her sons were 20 and 22.
Within a year and a half, she was beginning the pre-entrance program for the Sisters of Charity.
More than a decade later, Sister Louise said that, like other tumultuous times in her life, the transition actually was a good one, "changing your identity from primarily being mom to primarily being sister."
But like the more than 160 other sister-moms worldwide, Sister Louise faced "that first initial adjustment — that's one of the reasons we started the Sister-Mom group."
Sister Louise and three other women began "Sister-Moms" as a support group for the women who found themselves in the similar situation of a dual vocation. Many of the women have divorced and had their marriages annulled; some are widows. In most cases, their children are grown and independent.
The new women religious discovered that sometimes only other mothers could relate to the problems that arise when, as a sister, a woman has children.
The organization has had two national conferences, but mainly the sister-moms keep in touch through local meetings and an e-mail listserv. For instance, when one sister-mom shared that one of her sons was having an alcohol problem, others got on the listserv to share similar problems.
Sister Louise said that when she was 11, her older sister became a Sister of St. Joseph, and that their mother always wanted her younger daughter to become a nun, too.
But the nuns she knew told her she had to have a calling, and "I just realized that, at that point in my life, I did not," she said. To alleviate some of the pressure, one nun, a high school teacher, told teen-age Louise to tell her mother that she was not well-suited to be a nun and would make a better wife and mother.
One feast of the Epiphany, about four months before Sister Louise's husband died, a Jesuit priest and a Sister of Charity spoke at their parish about finding God in the workplace. After her husband's death, she continued under their spiritual direction, shifting her focus to finding God in death.
When she began her affiliation with the Sisters of Charity, some were concerned that she was moving too quickly, Sister Louise said, so she stayed in the affiliation program an extra year. But, she added, St. Elizabeth Seton was a "very new widow when she started the community."
"It was a very stressful time for me when I first moved away from my children," Sister Louise said. "I was very much an active part of their lives."
"They found that all of a sudden they had to totally be on their own," she said, adding with a laugh, "the Bank of Louise was closed."
She said she discovered that "when you move out of their lives, they do become even more independent and more mature."
During the novitiate year, in which much time is devoted to theological study and learning about community life, "all of a sudden you feel like you are stripped of everything," Sister Louise said. She had no credit card, the car she used was owned by the community and she owned no property.
"That was a big adjustment for me, to all of a sudden not have anything and to not be allowed to work," she said.
She still could call or write her family, and they could come visit her. Even during the novitiate year, she was allowed a certain number of days to be with family.
Sister Louise said she feels fortunate that her sons reacted well to the idea of her entering the convent. Among other sister-moms, she said, "I would say that quite a few have said that (their children) would be supportive to a point, but there is that questioning, 'Is mom really doing the right thing?'"
Sister-moms, she said, "entered religious communities because we want that commitment that comes with that: the love for Christ, that faith and support that comes from being in a religious community."
The hardest thing she has had to deal with "is the poverty issue," Sister Louise said. "It's a challenge."
However, she said "sometimes living an unencumbered life is maybe a little bit better." She said it has forced her to spend more time and thought on gifts for her children "because I had to be careful what I was buying."
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