Archbishop's web site Denver Catholic Register Parishes Catholic Pastoral Center
July 31, 2002
Raising a charitable child
Small opportunities to do good make big impact
By Peggy Weber
Catholic News Service
When my children were little I would ask them twice a year to go through their toys and clothes and pick out something they wanted to share with poor children.
Sometimes it went very well. But other times they would hand me a toy they got in a fast-food meal as their toy for the poor.
It wasn't always a selfish attitude. Sometimes it was sentiment.
My eldest daughter, who is now in college, told me that every time she looked at a shirt or stuffed animal she thought of who gave it to her so she had a difficult time parting with it.
But being a mother who can spread some guilt around, I would ask the children if "they really needed the sweatshirt or action figure more than someone who had little or nothing." That usually did the trick.
Today, my eldest has volunteered for Habitat for Humanity for two of her spring breaks. All three of my children have volunteered at soup kitchens and have shared their babysitting money or salaries with foreign missions or other worthy causes.
But it's not easy to raise a "charitable child." Society sends out so many messages about wearing an article of clothing in the latest style or owning the hottest electronic game.
Jan Peters, development coordinator for Catholic schools for the Diocese of Springfield, Mass., is involved with giving on a professional level.
However, she also has instilled in her six children the importance of giving on a personal level.
"I have always told my children that when you receive a gift you have an obligation to give a `thank you,'" she said. "When they were little that meant thanking someone for a present. But I also told them that God has given them many gifts and they have an obligation to share those gifts."
Her oldest child, Ben, who holds a Masters of Divinity degree from the University of Notre Dame, has taken this philosophy to heart. He has worked with the Franciscan Missionary Association in Kenya and as a Jesuit volunteer in Nebraska and Jamaica.
"Ben made a trip to Haiti while in high school and his view of life changed," she said, adding that he became much less interesting in "buying things."
Her oldest daughter, Karen, works at a summer camp for troubled children each year.
Catherine got involved in youth retreat work while she was a senior at Cathedral High School in Springfield, and has continued volunteering for retreats as a student at The Catholic University of America in Washington.
Rebecca has used her vacation time from Fordham University in New York to volunteer with the Glenmary Missions in Kentucky and a global outreach program in Belize.
Joseph, Jr., and his father, Joe, have visited and worked in Honduras, twice and four times, respectively.
And David, the youngest, "shows charity in smaller ways right now," including performing acts of kindness for his grandmother, Peters said. She added that his raising at school of the idea of buying animals for Third World countries led to it participating in the Heifer Project to do just that.
Shrugging off any praise for her children, she said their affiliation with their parish, St. Stanislaus Basilica in Chicopee, Mass., and the area Catholic schools, have "given them opportunities within the community."
It is the small, everyday opportunities to do good that make an impact, she stressed.
"We have baked cookies for the soup kitchen or gone through our closets when they are collecting coats at school," she said.
She noted that she has tried to help them focus on what are and should be their priorities.
"I have asked them how many pairs of shoes they really need," she said.
Drawing on her work she has done in child protective services and on articles she has come across of people who were going through difficult times, Peters has asked her children "if they could imagine being in that position," of, for instance, being a youngster "who had no extra clothes or no food in their refrigerator."
She also said she tried to focus on giving her children her presence and not presents.
"We didn't have a second car when the kids were little so we would take nature walks or do art projects," said Jan, adding that her children continue to give handmade gifts rather than store-bought ones.
Peters said there is no secret formula for creating charitable children. However, she said that the opportunities to help must be seen as fun and joy-filled. And she said that loving one's child is probably the best way to get them to care.
"If you have a child that feels loved and you offer him or her a chance to give," she said, "then it is just natural."
Peggy Weber is a reporter and columnist for The Catholic Observer in Springfield, Mass. She also is the author of "Weaving a Family."
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