Archbishop's web site Denver Catholic Register Parishes Catholic Pastoral Center
February 6, 2002
A reflection on the true meaning of love
Love is an action that wills the good of another
By Steve Weidenkopf
Several years ago as my wife (then fiancé) and I prepared for the sacrament of matrimony, we heard a most beautiful story. At our engaged weekend retreat, a young married couple with a small child told the story of Michael, a co-worker of the husband. Michael was a man of no religious faith or affiliation. The husband, a devout Catholic, would talk to Michael about God, Jesus Christ, the Catholic Church, etc. At one point in their relationship they had a very serious discussion on the virtue of charity. What does it mean to love? To love another? To love a stranger, an enemy?
They both agreed that a person such as Mother Teresa truly incarnated the virtue of charity. Shortly after this discussion, the husband found out with great joy that his wife was expecting a baby. However, his meager salary coupled with their area's high cost of living presented grave challenges to their family. The husband gathered the courage to ask his boss for a raise. Unfortunately, due to fiscal constraints at the company the boss, although willing to help the husband, could not offer him additional money. About a week later, the boss called the husband back into the office and told him circumstances had changed and a raise was granted. The husband and his wife were overjoyed and thanked God for his generosity and for answering their prayers.
A short time later, tragedy struck at the office: Michael, while riding his bicycle, was hit and killed by a motor vehicle.
At the funeral, the boss came up to the husband and said, "I promised Michael that I would never tell you but it seems appropriate to do so now. Shortly after you came into my office to request the raise, Michael came in and offered to give a large portion of his salary back to the company so that we could give you a raise."
The husband and his wife wept profusely at this news and several months later their baby was born.
The "Catechism of the Catholic Church" defines charity as "the theological virtue by which we love God above all things for his own sake, and our neighbor as ourselves for the love of God" (1822). Truly we can say that Michael's actions in giving up his salary for a financially troubled family exhibited a great act of charity. Because we are made in the image and likeness of God, who is love (1 Jn 4:8), we are called to love as he does. God is Trinity, a life-giving, loving communion of persons. The Catechism says, "God himself is an eternal exchange of love, Father, Son and Holy Spirit, and he has destined us to share in that exchange" (221). We, as creatures of God, must enter into that exchange of love and we are called to do so right here on earth.
Love is such an overused word in our English language — perhaps because of that over-usage we have truly lost the meaning of the word. Many people would define love as a nice, happy feeling. However, love is not a feeling — it is an action. When that action becomes habitual we call it a virtue and give it the name charity. Love is an action that "wills the good of another." At its essence then love is selfless — one who truly loves never seeks his own selfish gain; indeed, that is the antithesis of love. As God is self-giving and hence selfless, then so must we be as creatures made in his image and likeness. How do we practically live this beautiful theology and love as we are called to? By turning to the one who perfectly illustrated love by dying to himself on a piece of wood, Jesus Christ. Jesus is the perfect example and model for all Christians. We must love as he did — we must die to ourselves for the good of another.
Most of us will not give of ourselves to another in so radical a way as Michael but we are nonetheless called to be ready to do so. As Valentine's Day approaches and the world reaches out to us with notions of love that are self-indulgent, we must be mindful of what love truly is and how we can live it in the lives God has blessed us with.
Weidenkopf is the director of the Office of Marriage and Family Life.
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