Archbishop's web site Denver Catholic Register Parishes Catholic Pastoral Center
January 9, 2002
Family advocates say marriage formation starts at young age
Youth want long-lasting marriages but lack skills to build them, report shows
By Stephen Steele
Winnie Honeywell, family life director for the Diocese of Galveston-Houston, recalled a rather jarring conversation she had with a teacher about a decade ago.
The teacher was discussing the institution of marriage with her class, which voted unanimously that they felt it was impossible to be in a happy, lasting marriage.
What Honeywell found so troubling about the teacher's story was that these particular students seemed too young to have formed such an opinion. They were in the fourth grade.
``I knew then that there was something we were not doing right,'' she said. ``There's only so much the Church can do six or nine months before a wedding. We had to figure out a way to reach people at a much younger age.''
Young people, she noted, are being formed by a prevailing culture that assails marriage as an institution.
Recent research shows that young adults are postponing marriage in greater numbers than ever before. The first generation to come of age after the divorce revolution sees living together as a viable option to marriage. Cohabiting has become a way of achieving some of the benefits of marriage without the risks of divorce.
But the statistics also show that couples that live together before marriage have a higher incidence of divorce. As well, cohabiting outside of marriage appears to leave women and children vulnerable to abuse and that unmarried couples have lower levels of happiness than married couples, according to a study by Rutgers University's National Marriage Project.
The report also found ``a substantial weakening of the institution of marriage'' in the United States.
``What the report seems to be saying is that young people are looking for an enduring marriage,'' said Sheila Garcia, assistant director of the Secretariat for Family, Laity, Women and Youth of the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops.
``Young people are concerned about exactly the same thing that the Catholic Church is concerned about — building marriages that last a lifetime,'' she said.
Garcia said there are efforts in the Church to stress marriage preparation at a young age, trying to encourage children as young as middle-school age to develop a healthy outlook on marriage.
The Galveston-Houston Diocese has implemented a father-son program for boys 10-15 years of age and a mother-daughter program for girls 11-16 years old. The teams discuss in group sessions issues of sexuality and family.
Honeywell said the program is among the most popular that the diocese has ever sponsored.
``The key to its success is parental involvement. The children are able to discuss their feelings about themselves and their sexuality in an open, supportive environment, and the parents are able to discuss with the children what it means to be a family,'' she said.
Honeywell said the diocese is currently forming a marriage-preparation committee that will combine the work of the offices of family life, religious education, youth ministry, Catholic schools and young adult/campus ministry.
``Our young people are being formed by culture rather than by the Church with regards to marriage. The Church can do a lot with a young couple who are fairly well motivated to get married. But if they haven't had that solid foundation in their family or religious formation, then we're playing catch-up,'' she said.
Maggie Gallagher, co-author of ``The Case for Marriage: Why Married People are Happier, Healthier and Better off Financially'' and an affiliate scholar with the Institute for American Values in New York City, said it was essential for religious institutions to work in tandem with parents, teaching children about the elements of a healthy marriage.
She said the Rutgers' report on marriage showed that young adults want to have long-lasting marriage and to avoid divorce at all costs.
``But their strategies for doing so are not very effective,'' Gallagher said. ``What struck me is how we have failed to pass on some very important points about marriage to the current generation, who see marriage as a private act, which is directly opposite to the historical view of marriage as a covenant, a public act before the community."
She said parents, schools and religious institutions have a responsibility to help the coming generations define marriage.
``The Rutgers report is a real call to anyone who is working with young people to pass along a marriage culture that is not happening on its own,'' Gallagher said.
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