Archbishop's web site Denver Catholic Register Parishes Catholic Pastoral Center
October 31 , 2001
Marriage prep motto: `Be prepared'
Program strengthens couples' communication skills
By Jennifer Radcliffe
When you commit to someone for life, you better be able to talk - and listen - to one another. A unique marriage preparation program at Queen of Peace Parish in Aurora is designed to help couples do just that, organizers said.
In August, 14 couples from the parish attended a weekend marriage prep workshop led by Deacon John and Elaine Thunblom and Maj. Tom Deall. The workshop is just one part of the parish's marriage prep program, which includes the FOCUS questionaire and required archdiocesan marriage prep classes. The parish also encourages engaged couples to participate in an engaged couples weekend where they are introduced to the University' of Denver's PREP (Prevention and Relationship Enhancement Program) program.
Dr. Scott Stanley, one of the primary researchers of the program, formally trained both Deacon Thunblom and Deall in the PREP method. The program has been specifically designed to teach couples the Speaker/Listen technique of communication. The method is taught via lectures, videotape demonstrations, exercises and a textbook, which are all offered during the weekend retreat. Given the program's secular format, it was adapted to include sacramentality, spirituality, and natural family planning, the organizers said.
When the archdiocese came up with its own couples' workshop format it recommended that parish programs add a life-skills component to what was already being taught, which is what the Queen of Peace program focuses on, Deacon Thunblom said. The Kersey Temperament Sorter is administered to each couple, he said. Similar to the Myers-Briggs personality inventory, the Kersey instrument assesses temperament traits and characteristics. The heart of the parish's program is learning the Speaker/Listen technique and problem-solving model.
"The feedback that we've gotten from couples is that they have learned at least the art of defusing an argument," Elaine Thunblom said.
The challenges of marriage prep include overcoming the attitudes, values and beliefs that society has fully accepted, the facilitators said.
"We have to tread lovingly and lightly because society has fully accepted lifestyles completely contrary to the teachings of the Church," Elaine Thunblom said.
The weekend session included a time for couples to complete the Kersey Sorter and to identify areas where further discussion and understanding may be needed. The couples were also instructed on the Church's teaching on natural family planning and were provided time for reflection, where questions and answers were addressed.
Deall, a licensed marriage and family therapist, has assisted the Queen of Peace program for nearly two years. Given his professional experience, he has a wealth of information to offer couples regarding the day-to-day challenges, obstacles and joys of marriage.
"We add to their toolbox," Deall said. "It's just something they can reach back to when times get tough — to say maybe this will help us get through the tough times. Out of all the things we do, (marriage) is probably the one where people go in the least prepared."
Claudia Bracken and Joe Imbriani, who married Sept. 22, said they found the program highly beneficial.
"It helps you understand relationships, it helps you understand yourself, it helps you understand the person who you are going to be committed to for the rest of your life," Claudia Bracken said.
Karen Ponikiski and Thomas Nevill, who will marry in May 2002, said that one of the benefits of the program was the time provided to talk one-on-one with each other.
"It's actually been one of the better things that we have done," Ponikiski said.
Her fiance agreed.
"These are skills that you can take and apply at work just as easily as you could in any relationship," Nevill said.
Prior to the marriage prep experience, the couple found themselves caught up in the "nightmare" of concentrating exclusively on the wedding, Ponikiski said. Focusing on the realities of married life helped them to put their wedding into perspective, the couple said.
"People don't need wedding prep classes," Nevill said, "they need marriage prep classes."
Contact Us
