Archbishop's web site Denver Catholic Register Parishes Catholic Pastoral Center
June 13, 2001
Best Father's Day gift is appreciation, dads say
Celebrate gift of life, respect father's role to honor dads
By Alwen Bledsoe
For Christians, Father's Day can and should be something more than a barbecue and the presentation of an obligatory trinket of appreciation. It's a day to celebrate the contribution Christian fathers make to families and to society, and it's a day to reflect on what Christian fatherhood should be.
For Christopher West, director of the archdiocese's Office of Marriage and Family Life, Father's Day represents a great deal more than a fleeting expression of gratitude to dad.
"On Father's Day, what we're really celebrating is the earthly reflection of the Father's love," he said, explaining that a good father mirrors the unconditional love of God to his family and is a picture for them of who God is. For this reason, said West, fathers play an essential role in their families' faiths.
"Faith is the openness of our hearts to the gift of our Father's love and faith in the love of the Heavenly Father can be difficult when we don't have strong models of fathers in our own lives," he said. "Our fathers are meant to be in the image of our Heavenly Father."
Dave Thomas, featured in the April 25 edition of the Register, is a father of seven. He has served as foster father for more than 70 children, and is an author of 10 books on marriage and family life. Thomas agrees that Father's Day has a much deeper spiritual significance than is generally recognized.
"Madison Avenue has its take on Father's Day, which is to get dad some kind of gift, but ... the message that would come from us as Christians and from our Church is that the real gift is life and that we fathers have an opportunity to assist God in having that life come to develop as God hopes it will," he said.
According to Thomas, research has underscored the importance of fathers by showing that their daily involvement in children's lives is essential to the healthy emotional and psychological development of both boys and girls.
"One of the most important ways to celebrate Father's Day is for men themselves to reflect on just what God has invited them to do in helping him to create life," he said, later adding, "It's a day during which fathers should step aside and think of the importance of their roles as fathers and think about whether it really is a priority in their lives" he said.
So, how can families express appreciation to their dads and support them in their enormous task as fathers?
"The amount of effort needed to raise a child today is immense," said Thomas. "There are many sacrifices made by moms and dads that are very real, but very undervalued in public. One way that the lack of that appreciation can be overcome is the direct expression from children of the value of this.
"What parents want more than anything else - they don't want things - is to know that the child is aware of the energy and effort they expended from day one and appreciates it," continued Thomas. "There is no substitute for a direct expression of appreciation."
Communicate that, he said, through more personal gifts - a written note rather than a store-bought card, something hand made, or a thoughtful gift given in a spirit of gratitude rather than because it is customary or obligatory.
The most important thing families can do to celebrate Father's Day, said Thomas, is "sharing life."
"Life isn't something that's just inside us," he said. "Life is something that flows between us. ... Every time we have an honest open conversation with another person, life is shared, nourishment is given," he said.
What dads need most is a respect for their own role as fathers, advised Deacon John Smith, who has a doctorate in psychology, is a father of two, and is the associate secretary for the diaconate screening evaluation of candidates.
"Primarily they need a great deal of respect for themselves, for who they are, and for their vocation as a husband and father, and an understanding that this is paramount in their lives," he said.
Perhaps the best gift a wife can give her husband this Father's Day, said Smith, is to spend time nurturing her relationship with him.
"(Women) should turn their nurturing skills into nurturing the relationship, not the man," he said. "If you're nourishing the relationship you encourage him to be who he is, encourage him to be the father he should be. If you nourish the man, then you're going to try to fix him into your image, into what you would like him to be," he explained.
West said, "If a wife is living her life as a gift to her husband and her children ... then the husband is inspired to live his life as a gift, and if the husband is living his life as a gift, then the wife is inspired to live her life as a gift. They complement one another and grow into a more perfect image of Christ's union with the Church."
But most important of all, said West, is men's commitment to their relationship with God the Father.
"The only way to really live authentic fatherhood is through faith in the Heavenly Father. As Jesus himself said, 'As the Father has loved me, I have loved you.' Only through being loved by the Father can we be a true image of the Father to others. So, for us as fathers, what we're really called to is faith, faith in the love from the Eternal Father. Only then can we be the fathers we're called to be."
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