Archbishop's web site Denver Catholic Register Parishes Catholic Pastoral Center
February 28, 2001
Tips ease long distance care of aging parents
Common sense measures increase elderly's safety and caregiver's peace of mind
By Lisa M. Petsche
Approximately seven million Americans are involved in the care of a mature adult — usually a parent — who lives in a different geographic area, be it an hour's drive or a plane trip away.
Long distance care-giving can be emotionally and financially draining. Worries about the person's physical, mental and emotional health, as well as safety concerns, can be overwhelming. What follows is a list of things caregivers can do to help their charges and increase their peace of mind:
•Make it easy for people to get in touch with you. Get an answering machine if you don't already have one, and perhaps a cell phone or pager as well. E-mail also may be advantageous.
•Set up a regular time to call your parent — many people choose Sunday evenings.
•Find someone local who can do a daily check, either by phone or in person. This could be a reliable neighbor or relative, or a volunteer from a telephone reassurance service.
•Keep handy important phone numbers: the neighbors, close friends, family physician and any home health care providers. Make sure they have your name and contact information and encourage them to call you collect with any concerns. Stay in touch to get their ongoing perspective on how your parent is doing.
•Shop around for a good long distance savings plan so you don't have to be too concerned about the frequency and duration of care-giving-related telephone calls.
•Maintain a file of key information, such as your parent's medical conditions and surgical history, medications and local pharmacy, medical specialists, daily or weekly schedule and upcoming appointments, banking institutions and other financial contacts, lawyer and pastor. Obtain a local phone directory if at all possible.
•Investigate available resources in your parent's community. These might include: emergency response systems; letter carrier or utility company alert services; accessible transportation; adult day programs and other leisure programming; home health services involving nursing, homemaking, therapy and companion services, and alternative housing. Such information can be obtained from the local agency on aging. To find the appropriate office, call the Administration on Aging's toll-free Eldercare Locator Service at 1-800-677-1116 or search online at http://www.aoa.gov/elderpage/locator.html.
•If your parent has been diagnosed with a chronic illness, obtain information from the appropriate organization (for example, the Parkinson Foundation) to help you understand the illness and to prepare you for what to expect in the future.
•If finances — yours or your parent's — permit, arrange for installation of a personal emergency response system.
•Regularly express appreciation to those who help care for your parent.
•When you have an opportunity to visit, pay close attention to your parent's physical condition, mental functioning and mood. Consult the family doctor with concerns.
•Perform a safety assessment of the home environment to identify potential hazards — for example, scatter rugs that don't stay in place — and do what you can to rectify them. Visit a medical supply store and check out the many products that might make daily activities easier and safer for your parent. Alternatively, locate an occupational therapist who does home assessments and can make recommendations in this regard.
•If you have siblings in the area, arrange a family meeting to discuss your parent's needs and determine who can provide help.
•When visiting, plan to stay for several days so you're not rushed. That way you'll have time not only to attend meetings (try to set these up in advance) and run errands, but also to enjoy your parent's company.
•Even if your parent appears to be managing well, find out what resources are available in the community should your parent require help in the future. Keeping one step ahead will help make your role as long distance caregiver a little easier. Lisa M. Petsche is a social worker and freelance writer.
