Archbishop's web site Denver Catholic Register Parishes Catholic Pastoral Center
October 18, 2000
Building marriage takes hard work, says Heaton
By Mark Pattison
WASHINGTON (CNS) - When actress Patricia Heaton, in accepting her Emmy Award Sept. 10, thanked God "for thinking me up and my mother for letting me come out," the remark was more than just words.
Heaton, who plays Debra Romano on the CBS comedy "Everybody Loves Raymond," is also honorary chair of the pro-life organization Feminists for Life.
"It sounded like a group I wanted to be in," Heaton told Catholic News Service in a phone interview. "Their focus is the most appropriate approach to a very difficult subject."
Feminists for Life members "look to address the root causes of abortion, the reasons why women have abortion," Heaton said Sept. 13 while en route home from the studio where "Raymond" is filmed.
While supporters of legal abortion say their stance is one of choice, "most women (getting abortions) don't feel they have a choice," Heaton said. There is a difference, she added, between "providing a choice or providing a way to solve a, quote-unquote, problem."
Heaton, the mother of four boys, said she believes it is better to "make the system conform to what is best for you and your baby instead of making the baby go away to conform to what is best for the system."
The actress said she first learned of Feminists for Life from the journal First Things. She also said she read an article in Marie-Claire magazine on teen-agers who kept their baby that said the teens felt "more responsible, were finishing their education, and turning their lives around."
As for her Emmy win for outstanding lead actress in a comedy series, she said that she was half-expecting to get it. Her competition was Jenna Elfman from "Dharma & Greg," Jane Kaczmarek from "Malcolm in the Middle," Sarah Jessica Parker of "Sex in the City" and Debra Messing of "Will & Grace."
"I knew I was going to say something about gratitude for life in general," Heaton told CNS. "I come from a show with all those incredible writers and Ray (Romano, the star). You don't just want to win, you want to win well.
"Saturday night I went to bed and prayed that God would give me the words the next day. I dreamed about giving a speech, although I don't remember anything about any words coming out. The next day the words were there in my head," Heaton said.
"I went to church ... and instead of listening, I was going over the words in my head. Instead of listening to God, I was going over the words thanking God," Heaton added. "I started having an anxiety attack in church."
Like lots of mothers with much lower profiles than her own, Heaton has to juggle a career and motherhood.
"A good life, a good family, a good marriage, they all take work. It just doesn't happen by itself," she said.
She said her situation on "Raymond" works well for her. She calls her work "three-quarter time," with the longest day the one day the show is recorded. The sons who are too young for school visit the set at least once a week, and there are playthings in her dressing room and, usually nearby, the children who play her kids on the sitcom. And she has every fourth week off.
Heaton, who was raised a Catholic in Bay Village, Ohio, and went to St. Raphael Grade School there, now attends a Presbyterian church in the Los Angeles area. She explained why.
"I mean, once a Catholic, always a Catholic," she said. "But I was married briefly before for three years. We got a divorce, and then I married my current husband. So I can't take Communion in the (Catholic) church. That kind of put a damper on things."
Additionally, Heaton said, the Catholic parishes in her area don't have Sunday school programs for children her age, while the Presbyterian church has Sunday school not only for kids, but for adults. "It's where I've picked up most of my teaching about Scripture," she remarked.
She does have a sister who is a nun, Dominican Sister Mary Sharon Heaton, of Nashville, Tenn. The actress said she liked the episode from last season where her character's sister announced her intent to join a convent. But even more, she liked the episode in which Ray is bugged by his father into going to church.
"It seems mothers have to do all the work on going to church, getting their kids to church and getting them going. Mothers have to stay on top of all of that," Heaton said.
