Archbishop's web site Denver Catholic Register Parishes Catholic Pastoral Center
October 18, 2000
New hope for struggling marriages
By Jeff Richmond
Marriages may be made in heaven, but they take a lot of work on earth, according to Diane Johnson, who, along with her husband Jeff, are local coordinators for "Retrouvaille," a French word that means "rediscovery."
Retrouvaille is a Christian peer ministry open to all married couples regardless of denomination. The program offers a weekend workshop, followed by a series of presentations to those facing difficulties in marriage.
Retrouvaille was founded in 1977, when Marriage Encounter leaders identified the need for a separate program for couples with greater difficulties.
According to Diane, Retrouvaille helped save her marriage.
"Our oldest son had brain cancer which led to extreme financial difficulties and the eventual breakdown of our communication," Diane told the Register. "Instead of being able to talk about it and come to a resolution, we both just shut down," she said.
The program gave them a set of tools to work with to rebuild their marriage.
Couples can learn to talk things out, instead of constantly fighting, she said.
"Which doesn't mean arguing is wrong," she said. "It's when a couple fights to harm one another that destruction occurs," she added.
Retrouvaille is designed to help couples that have slowly and quietly drifted apart, and to those marriages torn apart by words and actions, says Diane.
To attend, each couple must have a sincere desire to build a stable, loving marriage, that can be tough, explains Johnson, who encourages couples facing difficulties to "think back to what brought them together in the first place."
For every couple, there was that spark of love which led to marriage, she insists.
"In each marriage, the spark is still there — somewhere — and it can always be fanned into a passionate flame again," she said. "Especially if a couple understands a marriage takes three individuals — that is, two people, with God as their center."
There are even answers for those who are separated or divorced, Diane insists. And for couples who find themselves staying together for the kids, or just blankly going through the routines without experiencing the real joy of a loving relationship, she says.
"I really believe Retrouvaille can help them," she says. "With all the distractions, we easily forget that strong, caring, loving relationships take work."
Retrouvaille begins with a weekend workshop led by a Catholic priest and three married couples who share personal stories of struggle, reconciliation, and healing.
It is followed by 12 post-weekend presentations which cover subjects relating to marriage and love, renewing commitments, and developing insights and skills.
A pamphlet is available for couples interested in Retrouvaille. It states:
"The weekend is not a spiritual retreat, not a sensitivity group, not a seminar, not a social gathering, nor is it counseling. Instead, the weekend helps one to discover how listening, forgiveness, communication, and the dialogue process can be powerful aids in building a loving and lasting relationship.
"Couples are not asked to share their problems with the group, but are encouraged to put the past behind them and to look beyond the hurt and pain, in order to rediscover each other in new and positive ways."
Diane adds that couples experiencing Retrouvaille are prayed for by community members all over the world. She adds that many couples report the weekend gave them the grace of courage, wisdom and patience.
For the Retrouvaille pamphlet, or to schedule a retreat weekend, call the Office of Marriage and Family Life at 303-715-3259.
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