The future of humanity passes
by way of the family

September 25 , 2002

Most Reverend José H. Gomez
Auxiliary Bishop of Denver

The following column was adapted from Bishop Gomez's comments at the Colorado Strengthening Families Conference Sept. 18 in Denver.

Families today are experiencing enormous pressures. That's why I'm pleased to see statewide concern for the difficulties that families are experiencing today. I agree with Gov. Bill Owens who stated recently: "Healthy families are essential to the overall welfare of our states as well as to the nation."

Families are God's way of teaching us that we were not designed to live in total independence. Family is where we do not earn our place by accomplishments, nor lose it by failure.

The Church cares about marriage because Jesus cared about marriage. It is highly significant that the setting for the first miracle of Christ was at the wedding feast at Cana. His presence at the wedding illustrates the importance of marriage, but more importantly the miracle performed was the first public manifestation of who Christ is — the Messiah, the Son of God, who was sent to change the water of our hearts into wine. In the Gospel of Matthew, the exchange of Christ with the Pharisees over divorce shows us that he came to restore God's plan for the sanctity of marriage.

The family is the "original cell of society." It is the foundation upon which society is structured and built. Pope John Paul II states, "The future of humanity passes by way of the family." This axiom should be a clear call for those of us interested in the preservation and survival of humanity. The Church has a divine mandate to ensure the welfare of those entrusted to her and to help those whom God calls to the married life.

The Catholic Church identifies three distinct stages of marriage preparation: distant, near to and immediate.

Distant begins in the womb and extends into adolescence and early adulthood to the period of engagement. Near to is the period of engagement through about two months before the actual wedding celebration, and immediate covers the two months before the wedding date.

Perhaps the most important stage is distant because it is primarily from the home that men and women learn about marriage. This holy witness is more effective than any educational class or program. Sadly, in our current cultural climate, many young people who approach the sacrament of marriage do so without this vital parental holy witness.

Marriage preparation in our archdiocese is made up of four main elements. The first element consists of a series of meetings with a priest or deacon throughout the eight-month preparation time period in order to assess the life and faith situation of the couple. As the wedding date approaches, the priest or deacon meets with the couple to help plan the wedding liturgy. This also serves as an invitation from the Church's minister to the couple to deepen their commitment to Christ and to each other according to the demands of the Gospel.

The second element includes a one-day workshop. This consists primarily of lectures by a degreed instructor in theology with periods of private and couple reflection. Topics covered are: God's original plan for the relationship between men and women, the divine institution of marriage, the command to "be fruitful and multiply," and the effect of sin on God's plan and Christ's restoration of the plan.

This also includes an in-depth discussion on the true meaning of human sexuality. Sexual honesty within marriage is presented with a view to educating the couple on the Church's teaching regarding contraception, and openness to children — one of the indispensable elements of marriage itself.

The third element seeks to provide practical tools and skills to live these teachings.

The practical "life skills" component can be accomplished through two options. The first option is to participate in a Catholic Engaged Encounter Weekend Retreat with married couples who present brief reflections on such topics as couple communication, conflict resolution, parenting, and family finances, followed by reflection and discussion.

The second option is to meet with a trained married mentor couple. The engaged couple spends time in the home of a married couple who talk with them about practical ways to live a successful and authentic Christian marriage.

The fourth and final element is full instruction in Natural Family Planning. These classes instruct couples on the Church's teaching regarding responsible parenthood.

Natural Family Planning is also, if you will, "marriage insurance." The divorce rate in the general population for first-time marriages is around 50 percent, while the divorce rate for those couples who use Natural Family Planning is under 5 percent.

The Church has an obligation to present the truth of God's plan for marriage to those who approach her for the sacrament of marriage. We strive to do that in a direct, charitable, authentic and practical manner.

In helping couples know this truth for God's plan for marriage and providing them with tools that will help them shape their ways of thinking and acting according to that truth, we are confident and hopeful that the families of tomorrow will be strengthened and healthy and this will lead to a strengthened and healthy state and nation.