Dear Archbishop Charles,

As the story of priests as sex offenders has unfolded over the last few months, I have watched with special interest.

You see, my son is a sex offender. And my daughter was his primary victim for many years.

So as I read about this sex-abuse story on a nearly daily basis, I can relate very closely to what you must be feeling, as you experience the division of your family.

First of all, as the parent of a sex offender, I still feel, first and foremost, love for this young man. But I also feel anger, sadness and disappointment, because he was certainly raised to know God, yet he chose some very bad actions. Today, he acknowledges those actions were wrong. Yet the decisions he made were driven by his mental illness. His mental illness caused him to commit a crime many times, which has caused irreparable damage of unknown depth and magnitude to his sister and our entire family.

As a mother of the victim, I can't even begin to tell you how much anger I feel. Sexual abuse is the deepest form of abuse possible, and has created some incredible insecurities in a beautiful young woman. She is still a young woman, and from the research I have done, her true feelings about this experience probably won't surface until the time she turns 30.

Our experience with this whole issue began nearly three years ago, when my daughter reported her brother. Over these three years, I have done research, been to counseling with each child, gone through counseling on my own, and am still amazed by what I have yet to learn about the psyche of a sex offender.

Given my personal experience, I feel well qualified to comment on the draft of the charter dealing with priests as sex offenders.

Immediately, I can say that it looks great — it is well thought out, and is very considerate of both the victim and the perpetrator.

In my family's case, the Department of Social Services became involved in December. My son was not even placed in treatment or removed from his victims until June. The great time lag in this process really hampered healing for both the victim and the perpetrator. Your draft charter, in Article 2, outlines quick review of cases, to offer support to the victim.

As a mother, I was appalled at the responses I got when I tried to tell my story — "Boys will be boys," "He only touched her," etc. Removing the secrecy and recognizing the needs for the victim to be safe and honest are so critical for victims to move forward in their healing.

Also, protection of one victim is likely to be protection for many victims, as sex offenders rarely perpetrate "just once."

Article 5 is also critical, providing for the "laicization" of the accused. The perpetrator is often charming and manipulative, and if his testimony is taken at face value, one finds it difficult to believe he is a perpetrator. Further, the older one becomes before being "found out," the more difficult rehabilitation becomes. In fact, some say rehabilitation of an adult sex offender is impossible. So transferring the perpetrator after telling him to "quit it" is not an acceptable solution at all. Swift placement for treatment and monitoring is the only step once someone is accused of sexual abuse.

I applaud the draft of the bishops' charter, and I'm very prayerfully hoping that all bishops will be supportive, and ready to quickly put it into action.

Though I am sure you have experts galore offering you advice as you go through this, I would also like to offer you my assistance, should you need it. My expertise simply comes from one who has been through it, as a mom. And I don't know how I would ever have made it this far without my faith in God. I am not telling you I've always been happy with the turn of events in my life over the past three years. I am only telling you that professional help is great, but the view from someone who has "been there" is also helpful.

I will remember you in my prayers.

Sincerely,

(Name withheld)