In the name of the Father
and of the Son
and of the Holy Spirit

Dear Archbishop,

Please forgive me for the informality of e-mail. I have pondered your trip to Dallas and wished that one victim's views could be heard as the bishops contemplate the issues surrounding sexual abuse by clerics. And so, I offer some thoughts for your consideration.

The Church seems to have a good start toward understanding the emotional trauma surrounding the sexual abuse by a-person-in-authority; understanding the need for counseling and therapy. There also appears to be the very beginning of comprehension of how the victims' sexuality is affected for the rest of their lives, the importance thereof and the long-term need for counseling and therapy. But I have not seen nor experienced any understanding of the spiritual abuse and spiritual trauma that attend every episode of sexual abuse.

Of all the abuse of my childhood — physical, emotional, sexual and spiritual — the latter has had the most unforeseen and insidious effects.

I have had Catholic counselors and psychologists spend great effort and long hours of counseling to lead me along the path toward emotional wholeness. But when the issue came up of how any of it affected my relationship with God, that issue was always deferred to my confessor or spiritual advisor.

I have had confessors refuse absolution during my search for forgiveness for any culpability I may have perceived in myself for the abusive episode: "It wasn't your fault" or "Just forget it and get on with your life." I have not met any victim who has not felt tremendous guilt, which is derived from their perception of filth and sinfulness. Many of us were of the "Fatima generation"; we had been taught the harsh spiritual consequences of impurity. And most victims do not have spiritual advisors. Think of it: Most victims are in a position of vulnerability because of their budding spiritual development as altar servers or members of some group in the Church. Their relationship with God was wide open and totally trusting as only a child's can be.

— Please understand the magnitude of the spiritual abuse and spiritual trauma, which no victim is spared.

— Please develop long-term assistance for the victims in the area of spiritual healing and development.

— Please help those in the Church who counsel to understand the inexorable intertwining of the spiritual and emotional trauma, and the need for simultaneous healing of both traumas; for the lack of healing in one area will seriously impair healing the other.

— Let all clergy, especially confessors, be trained to recognize the signs of sexual and other abuse. Equip them to lovingly help and refer to other sources of assistance, so that healing may be attained.

If the focus of the Dallas meeting is on canon law, please let it dwell on the last phrase in the code: " . . . keeping in mind the salvation of souls, which in the Church must always be the supreme law."

In the big picture, sexual abuse by clerics is a small percentage of all sexual abuse American children suffer. The reporting of sexual abuse against children has risen at a staggering rate. The Church in America should open her doors and actively seek these emotional and spiritual orphans with no less dedication than she has for those truly abandoned children that come into her care. As this crisis plays out, the Church can and should emerge as the leader in knowledge and practice in the prevention of sexual (and other) abuse of children and treatment of its victims.

Many of the clerics' victims initiate their complaints after they have reached adulthood, and have married and begun their own families. They will likely be experiencing some consequence of the trauma in their sexuality. Their marriage may be impacted, and there will probably be confusion about what is going on and what to do about it. Awakening any person's sexuality prematurely can have a long-term harmful effect. Add the powerful and confusing factors of guilt and sin, and the trauma can affect them and their families for life.

Please let us apply our lessons learned and our soon-to-be newfound abilities on behalf of all victims of sexual abuse, regardless of the perpetrator. Let us lead our society as we have so often before, in full understanding of the abuse and its consequences and its treatment.

Please let us start by making a safe and loving environment for victims to come forth and seek assistance. Don't let them wait to be enabled by their anger and frustration; this can only lead to animosity and adversity, which often lead to litigation.

Please understand that the trauma and its results grow with the victim and touch everyone in their lives. Please provide necessary training for counselors and counseling for victims and their families.

In my journey towards healing, I have found sunlight to be a most powerful ally. While my memories and stories hid in the dark and safety of the closed-off places within me, there was no possibility of healing. But each time the stories come into sunlight, these episodes lose some power.

I have not been subject to any `gag agreement' as part of a settlement. But I can only imagine that if I were, it would be received and understood by me as some form of punishment or minimally an injustice.

We must demonstrate to the world that we have full faith and confidence in Jesus' words when he established his Church on the Rock: "...and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it." We cannot let our fear of exposure be more powerful than our trust in God.

Please let there be openness in all aspects of the Church's activity around any well-founded report of abuse, except the identity of the victims, as they may wish.

Please let the Son shine in!

Archbishop, I hope it is not improper for me to write this to you, and that it is not inconvenient for you to consider these points as you go to Dallas. You and all of the bishops are in my prayers and the prayers of my family as you take on this mighty task. May God bless your efforts.

Sincerely in the Lord,

Name withheld